hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
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Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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