remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
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he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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