We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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