you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize