a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
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There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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