I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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