I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
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I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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