a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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