Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize