Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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