Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize