see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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