I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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