When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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