Already got asked if we're dating
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize