get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize