I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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