so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize