The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
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i used baking grease as lip gloss
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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