im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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