R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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