So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
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This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize