you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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