Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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