Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
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Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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