The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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