I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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