speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How does it feel to date your dad?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize