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Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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