As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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