You made me cry and you don't even care
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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