Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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