Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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