Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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