Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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