Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & Iβm going to drive there & throw it in your face
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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