Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
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This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
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You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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