o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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