My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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