dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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