So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
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So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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