Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
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I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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