Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
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He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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