we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize