he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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