it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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