Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize