im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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