eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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