6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
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I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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